Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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