I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Panties = found
Randomize
