Do you still have your period?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
