hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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