She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I have aggressive nipples.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
