His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i think my cat just said my name.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
