I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
