No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
