Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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