He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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