how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
