the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
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