go do what you do best...puke behind churches
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
