There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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