There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
