how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
