You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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