I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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