Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize