I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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