get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I wish they made helmets for livers.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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