I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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