he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
