Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
