i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
