just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
