Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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