dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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