New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
