CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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