i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
