apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
