So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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