Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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