your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
