What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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