you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
