i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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