i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
