let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
