I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
