I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
