I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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