I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
