well I can't set my house on fire every night
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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