She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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