Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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