Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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