gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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