he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
