you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
