I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
