Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
