Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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