i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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