Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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