she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
