i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
