She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize