the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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