I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
