he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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