So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
