Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
false alarm, still single
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