just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize