ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
