it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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