At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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