We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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