I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
