It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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